So, it’s 1:30 and I can’t sleep. My mind is abuzz with much ado about nothing, mostly. Was it the AYCE sushi for dinner that maybe had a bit too much tempura and hasn’t completely settled? Was it the single glass of cola? Was it the fact that I sampled my first batch of home brewed kombucha tonight and then googled kombucha to figure out what kind of critters live in the Scoby? Is it the fact that school starts in a few days and even though my kids are grown/nearly grown and competent enough to care for themselves, I’m worrying about every permutation about what could go wrong? A friend lost her father today. I had an unexpected wave of grief sneak up on me today as I thought about my own sister’s passing several years ago and the indelible mark that left on her family that ripples outward still. My dog is getting old. I’m having an audit at work next week. My inbox is full of things that need responding to but I’m not in the mood to do it because I don’t want summer to end. The lawn has grubs.
None of it really matters right now except for my friend who is grieving. Grief is hard and really all you can do is just be there.
The worst thing about insomnia, is that I don’t actually get insomnia. Rare experience happening. The younger dog is having a grand sleep, she’ll be up ready to embrace the day in about 5 hours. I’ll be ready to embrace coffee.
Do you know what I used to do on the rare occasions I couldn’t sleep? Read Psalms. Because I was young and not a lot of life had happened and I didn’t really get psalms. Psalms are for people who know that sometimes life is hard or lonely or scary. A little bit of Psalm 23, King James and I’d be out like a light. ” Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me”…I mean really, back then I could not relate, so a chapter or two and it would be off to dreamland I would go.
I’m older, wiser, and more grey. I’ve switched to a contemporary translation and now I understand it’s about finding comfort when you need to be comforted. “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me.”
When I was young and fresh and learning, these put me to sleep because they were boring and didn’t make sense to my reality. Now I read them because I understand them, and they bring me a measure of peace.
As a general rule, this is not a blog about faith and that was intentional on my part. I wanted an outlet that was completely different from the rest of my life. Tonight however, I wanted to put what was running circles inside my head, to paper. Surely I’m not the only one who can’t sleep tonight, and surely I’m not the only one who knows that a little bit of time and perspective can change many things.
A little bit further down the Psalm and the writer talks about blessings, protection, and comfort. All things I experience and know to be true in the day. Funny how we sometimes need a reminder in the dark?
Now I’m going to sleep.